Life-impacting, character-shaping, and culture-enriching leaders share a common trait; their hearts leap with genuine love for their people.
On the other hand, passion-squelching, joy-diminishing, and courage-crushing leaders share a different commonality; whether they recognize it or not, these leaders’ hearts tremble with fear.
Some teams dance towards their goals. Others grumble towards the checkered line. Some families laugh around the table. Others spoon their stew in silence. Whether you’re leading a large team, a small group, or your family, the decision to lead with love or lead with fear will vastly affect your team’s quality of life.
What is Leading with Love?
Leading with love is an empathetic, people-first approach to leadership. It promotes self-development and self-sacrifice for the good of others. It’s so important that Rick Warren said, “The first job of leadership is to love people. Leadership without love is manipulation.”
Leading with love requires greater courage, discipline, and commitment than leading with fear, but the payouts in team unity, positivity, productivity, and loyalty are tremendous. Furthermore, as Christians, leading with love fits our calling.1 Corinthians 16:14 says, “Let all that you do be done in love,” and this, of course, includes our leadership.
What is Leading with Fear?
Leading with fear is often seen in new leaders, or leaders who never learned better; it seems instinctive to our fallen human nature. Leading with fear primarily orients itself around external pressures, pride, and greed. It stems from a leader’s insecurity and/or need for immediate gratification.
When a leader says, “I don’t care why you’re late; be professional,” he is leading with fear.
When a leader threatens to extend working hours, withhold pay, or cut your position, he is leading with fear.
Signs of fear-based leadership include high-turnover, decreased creativity and innovation, and low employee morale. While fear is a powerful motivator, it should be used cautiously, and only while remembering the advice of leadership expert John C. Maxwell: “If you stop loving your people, stop leading your people.”
An Example of Leading with Love vs. Leading with Fear
Let’s say an associate at a home improvement store—we’ll call him Bill—has returned late from lunch.
A fear-based leader will probably approach the associate and immediately threaten discipline. “Bill, you’re late from lunch. I hate to be this guy, but do it again and I’ll have to write you up.” Is the leader wrong about this approach? Certainly, the tardy associate will have earned the consequence.
However, leading with love offers an alternative approach. A love-based leader will probably approach the tardy associate and say, “Hey Bill, I noticed you returned late from lunch. Everything alright?” This approach shows love to the associate by enabling him to explain his actions. It creates an opportunity for heart-to-heart conversation. Bill will feel valued and heard rather than scolded. While consequences may still be necessary—and even delivering consequences can be a form of love—the latter approach to leadership is far more likely to inspire long-term change in Bill’s behavior.
More Examples of Leading with Love
When a mother exercises emotional control through a difficult conversation with her daughter, she is leading with love.
When a father transparently admits his errors and apologizes to his kids, he is leading with love.
When a supervisor works Saturday so his team member can have the day off, he is leading with love.
When a pastor acknowledges the contributions of his staff and celebrates their successes, he is leading with love.
When a leader cares enough about his team to tell them the difficult truth, he is leading with love.
Loving leaders get to lead.
Fearful leaders have to lead.
Leading with love requires greater attention to detail, vulnerability, and effort than leading with fear. It requires time to self-develop and often is not naturally the way many people respond when first placed in leadership roles. But if a leader commits to developing these skills, then his team, his family, and his career will greatly benefit.
Lead with Love—Even When They Hate You
In my novella The Diary from Demon Island, a father leads his family and relatives through an onslaught of violent attacks, both physical and spiritual. Not every family member agrees with his decisions; he’s criticized, attacked, and slandered by his relatives. Yet, throughout his misery, the father strives to lead his family with love. And his efforts result in an incredible transformation in the life of his daughter. Click here to read a story about what it looks like leading with love looks like during troubling times.